I have been hesitant to express my view on this ‘new expression’ partly due to its sensitivity and heightened emotions it has induced. This subject warrants an emphatic stance albeit not at the expense of compromising on rationality.
Let me landscape my piece with synonyms for trash for obtaining a complete grasp of the word ‘trash’. Have a look at some of the synonyms, garbage, refuse, waste, rubbish, junk and litter.
Men are trash is an expression of anger towards men. Naturally, nothing good comes out of anger. Often, the proceeds of anger are violence, hatred and animosity.
There is a popular view that South Africans are angry.
This anger manifests in the torching of academic institutions, libraries, clinics and other state properties. If indeed we are an angry society, assertions such as ‘men are trash’ will fuel the fire.
‘Men are trash’ is an assertion that can build a perception. Thus, a teenage girl exposed to such a perception will probably experience men as such-it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.
This perception will find expression in relationships. Already, there are women who label men ‘dogs’ and cheaters. My argument is that expressions create perceptions.
Perceptions and expressions create realities. Men are trash is an addition to already existing stereotypes about men such as ‘monna ke selepe, ra adimana’ (man is an axe, he can be borrowed).
These expressions, harmless as they appear, are powerful and can create a reality. This assertion that men are trash might create a perception towards men and this perception can become a reality.
“It takes a community to raise a child”
Africans are a communal society. We co-own and co-parent children. Our parenting philosophy is ‘communalised’. The notion that ‘it takes a community to raise a child’ is deeply rooted in the African philosophy of childrearing.
If indeed it takes a community to raise a child then it stands to reason that ‘any boy’ is a sum-total of his community. The behaviour of any boy is arguably a reflection of his community.
If we argue that men are trash, we are inadvertently inserting a new module in the parenting curriculum of our communities. Therefore, we instill ‘trashy behavior’ in the minds of boys who shall grow to become trash.
A word is like a seed. A human mind is comparable to the soil. So, the assertion ‘men are trash’ can be compared to a seed. We are planting a ‘trash seed’ in the minds of young girls. We are saying to them ‘men are trash’ and should be approached as such.
Let us continue to say men are trash and await the proceeds of this seed in few years from now. In essence, if men are trash; then the entire community system is trash- isn’t that Ecology 101?
This is my take: it takes a community to raise trash. Do we have a dumping site for this trash?
In a real world of trash, a refuse truck comes once a week to collect garbage. The ultimate destination for trash is the dumping site. So, supposing that men are trash, what would be the bin? Where would be their dumping site?
The possible dumping site for these trash is the grave, prison or rehabilitation centres. The problem with using the word ‘trash’ is that there is probably no ‘rehabilitation’ for men.
Trash is trash. Trash has to be binned. Trash belongs to the dumping site. So, some ‘lucky’ trash lands in prison or rehab for rehabilitation.
The use of the word trash presents a gloomy picture. The word trash implies hopelessness. I think the death sentence was a system that literally dumped trash. It was a system that placed no value on rehabilitation.
To say men are trash is comparable to death sentence. There is no dumping site for any human being.
Men are not trash, they are thinking beings capable of self-correction and to establish healthy relationships and provide security, leadership and support.
What is trash? Trash is behavior. Trash is conduct. Arguably, a human being should not be equated with his behavior. Let us rather tag behaviour not he who behaves. For instance, trash is hostility, hatred, violence or abuse.
Effective and constructive feedback labels behaviour not an individual. Thus, instead of saying ‘you are mean’ rather say, ‘that behavior is mean’.
When we attach behavior to a person, we inadvertently conclude that their conduct is due to disposition. Thus, we are saying men are trash due to their design. When we say men are trash, we conclude that they are predisposed to become trash. When we say men are trash, we conclude that men possess a junk personality.
Am I defending men? No! Albeit I apply my sincere empathy to the context in which the expression was given birth. I hold that rationality should still prevail. There must be a space somewhere where empathy and rationality co-exist. Let us calm down and think solutions. Everyone has a role to play.
Marches will work to an extent and suffer extinction. But, micro-level conversations go a long way. Do you remember ‘garbage in-garbage out’? So it is, ‘trash in-trash out’.
Who is responsible for ‘programming’ men? Where do men get the ‘trash software’? I argue, the ‘trash software’ is manufactured and installed in our society.
Men are not born with a built in trash software…or, are they?
